


And a Fighting Chance (Kaidan Alenko)

by sbulls



Series: Mass Effect - Era of the Bull [3]
Category: Commander Shepard - Fandom, Kaidan Alenko - Fandom, Mass Effect, Mass Effect 1 - Fandom, Mass Effect 2 - Fandom, Mass Effect 3 - Fandom, Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M, Multiple Timelines, Renegade - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-01
Updated: 2018-05-19
Packaged: 2019-04-16 02:28:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14154696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sbulls/pseuds/sbulls
Summary: Born into a naval family, Commander May Shepard spent her childhood on ships and stations. She moved from posting to posting as her parents were reassigned, and it was only natural she would follow in their footsteps by enlisting in the Alliance military when she came of age.After several years of service, she joined the campaign to rid the Skyllian Verge of batarian slavers and other criminal elements. The final battle came when Alliance forces laid siege to Torfan, a slaver base built miles below the surface of a desolate moon. The superiority of the human fleet was wasted in the assault on the underground bunker, but Shepard led a corps of elite ground troops into the heart of the enemy base.Nearly three-quarters of her squad perished in the vicious close-quarters fighting...a cost she was willing to pay to make sure not a single slaver made it out of Torfan alive.-This is a collection of pieces of a Kaidan Alenko love story. They may not be in order, but they usually all connect.





	1. Horizon

" _Do_ something!" he demanded, completely undermining everything they had done since touching down on this colony, in Shepard's opinion. _Do something?_

"I did my best," the commander growled, shrugging him off. " _You_ just hid in your damn bunker."

Miranda spoke up. "If it wasn't for Shepard, you'd all be on board that ship." Which the commander thought was a good point.

"Shepard? Wait," Delan muttered, turning back towards the trio. "I know that name. Sure, I remember you," he said with disdain, "You're some type of big Alliance hero."

Just then, from around the corner, a hauntingly familiar figure emerged, speaking with pride. "Commander Shepard. Captain of the Normandy, the first human Spectre, Savior of the Citadel." He came to a stop before the commander, who could feel her stomach jump into her throat. She kept a calm, stone face, but inside, she felt like she could die all over again.

So vividly, she could remember all that time spent on the SR-1 like it happened yesterday. It was the fist time she found real comfort in another person since her parents. Neither of them were interested in complicating things. The mission had to come first. But she knew how much he wanted her. She wished she could express her mutual feelings for him.

And to lose so much time in the eternal blink of an eye... She had yearned for him since the moment she first woke, and he was finally before her once again. She'd missed him so much, but she restrained herself, keeping it as cool as possible.

"You're in the presence of a legend, Delan," Kaidan continued. Shepard blinked, feeling pride in hearing him say something like that about her. Honestly, she had been expecting more anger.

"All the good people we lost, and you get left behind," Delan shakes his head. "Figures. Screw this. I'm done with you Alliance types." And he storms away.

Kaidan stepped closer to her, and she couldn't believe it was happening. On the way to pry Joker out of the pilot seat of the SR-1, she'd dragged her heavy heart up to the bridge, knowing she would most likely never see Kaidan again. It killed her before she even died.

He stared into her green eyes, glancing at the fresh, red scars on her cheeks. Finally, he pulled her tight into his arms. At first she let him grip her tight, feeling him sigh, maybe in relief. She reacted, wrapping her arms around his waist, remembering the brief moments they had on the SR-1 to experience things like that.

"I thought you were dead, Shepard," he murmurs into her ear. "We all did." He let her go, leaning back to really look at her again.

Shepard swallowed, looking him up and down too. He was such a sight for sore eyes. She was nearly giddy with excitement, but she didn't let it show. She could only hold back so much in her voice though. "It's been too long, kaidan. God, how've you been?" She resisted the urge to continue reaching out to him. -Oh, how she'd missed his contact.

"That all you have to say?" Kaidan demanded with a shocked shrug. He scoffed, shaking his head. "You show up after two years, and just act like nothing happened?" He stepped closer once more. "I thought we had something, Shepard. Something real. I... I loved you."

_I love you too, Kaidan..._

"Thinking you were dead tore me apart," he growled, clearly holding back that very devastating emotion he was talking about. "How could you put me through that?" he demanded. "Why didn't you try to contact me? Why didn't you let me know you were alive?"

"Not my choice," Shepard urged. "I spent the last two years in a coma while Cerberus rebuilt me."

And Kaidan's gaze shifted. He just watched an friend turn into an enemy with a few words. He backed up slowly, glancing at the logo on Miranda's suit. "You're with Cerberus now..." He touched his head like he had another migraine or he couldn't believe what was happening. "Garrus too," he added, disappointed. "I can't believe the reports were right.

"Reports? So much for security," Miranda grumbled.

"Alliance intel thought Cerberus might be behind the missing human colonies," Kaidan explained. "I got a tip this colony might be the next one to get hit. Anderson stonewalled me, but there were rumors that you weren't dead. That you were working for the enemy."

"Cerberus and I want the same thing: to save our colonies," Shepard said, "That doesn't mean I answer to them."

Kaidan scoffed again, stepping up. "Do you really believe that? or is that just what Cerberus wants you to think? I wanted to believe the rumors that you were alive, but..." He looked at Garrus. "I never expected anything like this." He grew angrier. "You've turned your back on everything we believe in. You've betrayed the Alliance... You've betrayed me."

Shepard felt a familiar heat bubbling up her throat. The stubbornness was sure to never go away, she knew that. Kaidan was an Alliance soldier through and through. If only he could see that she had no choice. The goal was to stop the Collector attacks, and the only way she could do that was through Cerberus. But a blue blooded man like him wouldn't be able to see through the yellow.

"Kaidan, you know me," she took a powerful and deliberate step, catching Kaidan's eye. "You know I'd only do this for the right reason. You saw it yourself," she gestures to the colony around them. "The Collectors are targeting human colonies and they're working with the Reapers."

Kaidan sighed, finding this difficult to deal with. "I wanna believe you, Shepard. But I don't trust Cerberus. They could be using the threat of a Reaper to manipulate you. What if they're behind it?" he shrugged. "What if they're working with the Collectors?"

"Typical Alliance attitude," Miranda crossed her arms. "You're so focused on Cerberus that you're blind to the real threat." As much as she didn't want Miranda to chime in during that conversation, she had to agree. No matter the circumstances, Kaidan had known about the Reapers since Shepard had, and he knew that would be her one main goal for as long as she lived. He had to open his eyes to the actual threat, instead of mistaking his friends as the real targets.

"You're letting how you feel about their history get in the way of the facts," Shepard sighed.

"Maybe," Kaidan tilted his head defensively. "Or maybe you feel you owe Cerberus because they saved you. Maybe you're the one that's not thinking straight. You've changed, but I still know where my loyalties lie. I'm an Alliance soldier. Always will be. I've gotta report back to the Citadel. They can decide if they believe your story or not." And he tuned briskly away.

Shepard, felt her heart leap into her mouth, and she yearned yet again for the days when they hunted down Saren, just so something could feel normal again. She couldn't stop the words from leaving her mouth. "Wait, Kaidan," she called. "I could use someone like you on my crew. It'd be just like old times." That might've been as close to begging as she'd ever been with him, but she could see from his tense shoulders, he wasn't going to budge.

That must have been as painful for him as it was for her, but maybe the pain was overshadowed by the anger.

"No, it won't," he stopped and looked back. "I'll never work for Cerberus. Goodbye, Shepard. And.. be careful." And he left, and Shepard ... kept it all together.

She bit her lip, touching the device in her ear. "Joker, send the shuttle to pick us up," she ordered, her jaw still tight. "I've had enough of this colony."


	2. Hope

_There were clouds. Or it was smoke. It was thick, billowing out and at her. For a moment, something peaked out from the gray veil, but before she could process what she'd seen, she blinked._

_She could see the loving face of her mother as her green eyes peered down at her. And as she blinked, she saw Anderson standing before her and putting a proud hand upon her shoulder with a firm smile._

_"'Ey, Shep," Mendoza called. She spun just in time to see a batarian creep up behind the Lieutenant, and grab him, but only before she was immediately attacked as well._

_She felt beaten and broken, lying on the ground. She heard gunfire somewhere in the building, but she was in too much pain to react to it. She was still until someone entered her prison. "May Shepard," a strong male voice said. She looked up at the figure, dressed head to toe in black and tactical gear. He pulled the mask off his face, revealing a human face. "Captain Laurent Bellamy, Black Ops. Are you ready to get out of here?" he asked, offering his hand._

_As he pulled her up off the ground, Anderson gripped her shoulder. "Welcome home, child," he said._

_"May!" her mother exclaimed in relief, and as she spun around to find the source of the voice, Hannah nearly crashed into her, clutching her baby like she'd never let go._

_Through the clouds, a purple point emerged, and brought lighting with it._

_"Murderer!" some girl shrieked. She pounded her fists against Shepard's torso, not strong enough to deal much pain. "My brother went with you on Torfan, you let him die!" She blinked._

_"I can't think of anyone I'd trust more than you," Anderson said, turning towards the beautiful space craft. "Don't tell me you don't want inside that shiny, new ship, Commander."_

_She ripped Kaidan away from the beacon and was promptly lifted off her own feet. She felt like her brain was going to inflate to the point of exploding, the pictures so quickly entered her brain and whizzed by before she could process them, to be stored somewhere in the back of her mind._

_The purple point turned into a large purple finger, looming closer._

_She opened her eyes again to see the council, giving her the power and authority of their own right hand._

_"I understand, Commander, " Ashley said. "I don't regret a thing."_

_In the blink of an eye, she was soaring through the conduit, toppling out the other side onto the Citadel._

_"Move!" she shouted at Wrex and Kaidan, the great dead Reaper falling lifelessly towards them._

_She thought she was dead. But distant voices roused her. She was in a lot of pain, but she pushed herself up and forward, towards the voices. She found Kaidan first, relief swelling within her, and seeing Wrex and Anderson safe eased her as well. She strode back to them, eager to get back to the Normandy and get back to work._

_The Reapers can be killed._

_As she finished up the message to her mother, the emergency lights flashed, and the alarm blared. The ship shook, taking a rough hit._

_"Commander..." Kaidan hesitated._

_She growled, keeping herself focused on the survival of her crew. "Get the hell out of here!" she barked, pointing him away._

_In a blink, she was floating through the void of space, holding back her tears as she watched the Normandy crumble around her, not knowing who made it off, who survived. But her breath caught in her throat, feeling thinner. She gripped the hoses on her helmet, hearing the hiss. It got undeniably cold, dark, and quiet. She thought she was dead._

_The purpler finger was joined by four other claws, reaching out to the commander. The lighting appeared red and angry._

_"Commander?" a voice called out to her. She woke on a table, aching, on the verge of falling apart._

_"You don't know," Veetor shook his head, turning back to the console. "You didn't see, but I see everything." The creatures appeared on the screen, The Collectors. Shepard clenched her first._

_Kaidan rounded the corner, a look of shock, betrayal, relief on his face. The anger of losing over half the colony to the Collectors still heated up her veins, to see the way he looked at her refueled the intensity of her emotions._

_She stepped onto the bridge, the ship eerily silent, and every post abandoned. She felt the heat and anger bubble up within her again. She could not leave her crew behind. She was getting them back NOW._

_Shepard stared at the woman in the pod. She wasn't familiar, must've been a colonist. She reached out and touched the surface, it was as slimy and disgusting as everything else in this place. The unconscious woman reacted to the touch, much to the commander's shock. But just as her eyes focused on he commander, a look of horror set in her face and the screaming began._

_She saw Thane and Grunt leap safely onto the Normandy, but the helpful bit of debris immediately gave way and collapsed. Shepard pushed as hard as possible, running as fast as she could. Her foot pushed off the cliff edge and she reached out to the ship, only just catching herself on her arm, slipping down to her fingers._ _"Shepard!" Joker called, pulling on her._

_The creature was finally though the stormy envelope, its size becoming more apparent and appalling._

_"Shepard!" Kaidan said behind her. She turned, and seeing him again gave her a bittersweet taste in her mouth. She wanted to be happier to see him, but she could only imagine what he thought of her still._

_Behind the heads of the committee,  she watched as the familiar shape descended upon her planet. The cry rang in her ears, and for a moment, she feared it was too late to do anything. As if the Reaper could hear her, it faced her and a bright finger of red light trailed towards her. She couldn't run fast enough._

Shepard shot upright on the bed, almost feeling the clutch of a Reaper tight around her body, but she was in her cabin. Kaidan was asleep by her side, and he rolled onto his back in response to the sudden movement. Shepard glanced up at the window above her bed, half expecting the void to appear more chaotic. It had been a while since she had dreams about the past. Usually, her nightmares were filled with visions of suffering Protheans and the inevitable doom of her own people, which she knew was on the way. She threw her legs to hang off the bed, placing her face in her hands.

Kaidan woke with a light start and a gasp. "What's up?" he asked groggily, but was quickly wiping the sleep away.

"Are we gonna make it, Kaidan?" Shepard finally asked, the words tumbling out in a wavering voice.

He sighed and scooted closer behind her. "We're ready," he answered, placing a hand on her back, and nearly beginning to wrap himself around her. "You've put the people together, the vision...and what you've done, May," he deliberately met her eyes, making sure she was hearing him, "...is build hope."

She would've smiled if the lingering dreams weren't still just behind her eyes.  "I'm glad I inspire that in you, but sometimes..." she looked away, glancing at the aquarium.

Hope. How could she create hope when from day one in the military, she'd felt hopeless. Her capture in '76, Torfan, chasing Saren, the Collectors... The only things keeping her alive and willing were literally the people around her. Garrus always kept her humor on the surface, and was always a reliable partner. Liara did her best to keep the commander aware of her own feelings, and Kaidan was the one to begin pulling those feelings out to be expressed properly. Hell, even Thane made her question who she was, given the second chance she'd been handed.

She's always been surrounded by the perfect group of people, who apparently got  _something_  from her. Something that filled their hearts and loyalty with hope. Whatever it was, she just wished she could hold a little back for herself. Without the people around her, she thought she was nothing.

She looked into Kaidan's eyes, he was giving her a worried glare, waiting for her to continue. It killed her. He'd looked at her so differently on the SR-1, like she was a strong, unpredictable force. He may have feared her just a little at first, but he never looked at her with  _doubt_.

Something was just different. She found it troubling. He didn't need more worry, more stress. He needed to believe Shepard was going to succeed, and he needed to believe he wasn't going to lose her again. His family, his students. It's all already too much. She couldn't add to that.

She let a soft smile pull at her lips, touching his face. She thought of how different he was than just a few years ago. He looked better, he fought better. He tried even harder to make her happy in the darkest days they'd ever seen. He was more confident in himself, and in being himself. It made her so happy just to see the man he'd become after she was torn away from the worrisome soldier she let into her bunk.

Kaidan smiled at her touch, but as she spoke, his brows furrowed slightly again, like he didn't know if he could believe her. "You're right," she smiled more, letting her hand fall down his neck and his chest, his eyes following, "Give us hope and a fighting chance." He glanced back up at her. "Hell," she continued, gripping his chin, "The Reapers better watch themselves." And she planted a light kiss on his lips.

She didn't know if he believed that. But he had to believe the way he made her feel, and that was most important.


	3. Virmire

Her heart dropped to her feet, and her mouth dried up. A very abrupt - very real - wave of fear washed over her skin, leaving her in a cold sweat. “Alenko, what are you doing?!” she demanded.

 _“I’m just making sure this bomb goes off!”_  he answered firmly,  _“No matter what.”_ Shepard suddenly realized the situation she’d stepped into, and briefly shut her eyes.  _“It’s done, Commander. Go get Williams, and get the hell out of here!”_ She gripped the edge of the wall, leaning over.

 _This is happening_ , she thought to herself.  _Make a decision. Don’t linger!_

 _“Screw that!”_  Ashley barked.  _“We can handle ourselves! Go back and get Alenko!”_

Shepard began to pace angrily and heavily back and forth. Garrus and Wrex shared a glance; they’d never seen her quite like that before. They’d seen her pissed off  _to the max_ , but it was always directed at something. She never stumbled in circles with no target, but when both the Lieutenant’s and Gunnery-Chief’s lives were placed in her hands, she was at a loss.

Garrus was truly puzzled. He was looking at a woman who survived torture, mercilessly ended the Rachni Queen with her own hands, even became the biggest star on Torfan, not thinking twice about the soldiers she lead into certain death… But she hesitated when it came to the two human soldiers. It was surprising to see.

The commander was visibly trembling, the two aliens accompanying her could almost see the steam evaporating off of her skin. But suddenly she came to a stop, turning towards them. She let out a heavy breath and tagged the earpiece. “Alenko,” she commanded firmly, “Radio joker and tell him to meet us at the bombsite.”

The Lieutenant was clearly taken aback as he replied,  _“Y-yes, Commander… I…”_

 _“You know it’s the right choice, LT,”_  the chief argued.

 _“Ash…”_  Shepard started, but clamped her mouth shut and swallowed, worried about her voice betraying her devastation.

Williams didn’t need to hear it. Shepard was her sister. Another sister she had to leave behind. Her duty to the galaxy came first. She was ready to die defending her sisters, and her home.

 _“I understand, May,”_  she said softly and proudly.  _“I don’t regret a thing. It’s been an honor.”_  Shepard blinked hard, took a deep breath, and lifted her pistol.

She looked up at Wrex and Garrus, readying their own weapons. The turian quietly asked if she was okay with a single nod. She responded with a stiff, but determined nod back.

He could see she was fueled for a fight now.

And she fought hard to get back to Kaidan. Garrus and Wrex kept tucked just behind the commander’s line of fire as she was decimating their enemies rather hastily. She had no emotion on her face, it was her usual battle mask, but the two aliens behind her could see the fresh rage boiling up within her just from the bloodthirsty way she fought.

Finally, the Lieutenant was in her sights, but he was in the water, holding his abdomen.

“Shepard!” Wrex called, aiming up. She followed his sight, finding Saren in her own scope, but she was still very heated, and he was zipping around too quickly. She started running backwards, firing blindly, until she turned to sprint away from his strong biotic shots. She looked over at Kaidan, who had positioned himself on the opposite side of the bomb from Saren, and Garrus and knelt down nearby to cover him. Somebody had his back; she just had to cover her own. She very narrowly skipped above another impressive blast as she finally put a wall between them, tucking into the corner.

Saren was obviously different - presumably  _enhanced_   - and much stronger since she met with him last. If she’d kept moving on to extract Ashley

A wave of adrenaline broke against her, giving rise to the haunting faces of her past. Instead of leaning out to fire at Saren, she was shooting at that  _big, bad_ batarian leader, deep under the surface of Torfan. As she looked over at the Lieutenant, clutching his stomach, she saw the poor soldier in the cage beside hers, fighting to stay alive.

Her tense fingers curled tighter around her pistol as a deep growl crawled up her throat.

She was  _not_ losing him too.


End file.
